Bucket of "Acid"

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          One of my chores for today was to mop the kitchen.  That reminded me of one of the booby traps me and Augie thought up.  I filled a bucket about half full of soapy water and stood on the kitchen countertop.  I yelled, “Wendell, come here quick.  I need your help!”


        Sure enough, he came running, “What?”

          “Grab the mop and hold the handle up to the bottom of the bucket.”

        I held the bucket so that its top was up against the ceiling.  Once the mop was in place, I slowly let go of the bucket. 




“You got it?” I asked.



“Yeah, but why am I doing this?”

I got down from the counter and said, “‘Cause now you’re trapped.  You let go, and the bucket falls.”



“I’m never going to help you again!  What’s in the bucket?”

“It’s full of battery acid that will eat through your flesh, all the way to the bone, so you’d better not let go.”

I grabbed the feather duster and began to tickle him. 


He yelled, “Stop it!  Help me!  I’m going to drop it!  Stop, you meanie!”

Just then I heard footsteps.  I thought it was probably Lynette.  Around the corner came Lynette’s boyfriend, Arthur.

“What’s going on in here?” he inquired.

“Wendell wants to show you something,” I said.

I went behind Wendell, and yanked his shorts down to his ankles.  He stood there for a moment, sporting his superhero briefs.  Wendell’s face turned red. 




Not knowing what to do, he dropped the mop.  Arthur stood there watching silently.  Down came the bucket, hitting Wendell on the head, sending soapy water all over the kitchen floor, soaking Wendell. 


He fell to the floor, pulled his shorts back up, then started kicking and squirming.

“Ahhhh!  It’s eating me alive!” he cried.

“I’ll save you with this magic powder!”  I said as I grabbed a fistful of flour from the container on the counter.  I began throwing handfuls of flour at Wendell. 

Once he was covered head to toe with the flour, I said, “Go quickly!  Get in the shower!”

He kicked the bucket stumbling out of the kitchen, ran around the corner, then I heard Lynette shriek like she had just seen a ghost.  He just about knocked her down on the way to the bathroom.

Lynette rounded the corner and asked, “What’s going on in here?  What’s that white stuff all over Wendell and why is it all over the floor?” 

I responded, “Mom told me that I had to mop the kitchen.  Wendell was helping me.  That’s all.  Don’t worry about it.  I need to go talk to him, then I’ll be right back to finish.”

I replied, “First of all, you’re the one who’s in hot water.  You’re the one who dropped the bucket and got acid all over the kitchen floor.  I’m the one who saved you by throwing magic powder on you.  You should be grateful that I saved your life.  Secondly, I will clean up the mess all by myself if you don’t tell Mom and Dad.  Also, I will let you help out with a prank on Arthur.”

Wendell thought for a second and then said, “Was that really acid in the bucket?”

“No, you moron.  Just soapy water.  Do we have a deal?”

“Okay, but if you pull another prank like that on me again, I WILL tell on you.”

I said, “Whatever.  I’m going to mop the kitchen floor.  I’ll talk to you later.”

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